Can't Sometimes

Stay up late, I try
To fall asleep, just lie
Pretend I’m counting sheep, but the thing is
My thoughts
Take control, connect the dots
Help create more knots
Long nights are the cost

I can’t untie, can’t let it go
More pills, I hope they take control
My grip is weak, head’s on parole
Try to stop but always scroll
Away my problems on a roll
Don’t wanna face it, that’s my goal

Run from this dark side I can’t hide
Try to face it there’s no guide
Quit while I’m ahead, regret, retry
Get up again access denied
Wanna be done but can’t decide
Push I fight to fall, to repeat
But I can’t sometimes

Some days
My shadow’s here to stay
This cloud that makes life gray
My pain is on display

Still I can’t untie, still can’t let it go
More pills, this time they take control
My grip is weak, head’s on parole

Run from this dark side I can’t hide
Try to face it there’s no guide
Quit while I’m ahead, regret, retry
Get up again access denied
Wanna be done but can’t decide
Push I fight to fall, to repeat
But I can’t sometimes

It’s not that all days are like this
Sometimes get drawn in a crisis
Know that I need to go to bed, wrap my head
Remember to let go instead, I spread the thread to feel
To be alive, to know I’ll thrive, to remember to breathe
To be a little more brave, not to fear the pain and to teethe
Panic attacks on freeze

Run from this dark side I can’t hide
Try to face it there’s no guide
Quit while I’m ahead, regret, retry
Get up again access denied
Wanna be done but can’t decide
Push I fight to fall, to repeat
But I can’t sometimes